Men: What Do Women Want? I’ll Tell You…

I-DO-Marriage-Series

Men, this post is for you!

There are many sites for women that tell them what they need to do to be a good wife and offer ideas on how to save their marriage but very few for husbands. I’ve talked to a lot of women or perspective brides about what they would like to see in their marriages, what they expect from a husband, and I’d say most all of it is very Biblically based.

Many marriages today are hurting and have become stale. Often times the husband or wife are simply unhappy and don’t know what to do to get that spark back. Well, I am here to tell you that it takes work, but that work can actually be fun and very rewarding.

I hear guys ask, “what does a woman want?” My husband and boys have even asked me that question over the years. There is even a movie title with that same question! Well, here are a few thoughts and ideas that might help you. But, before I begin my list of suggestions I want to share what most women have told me – a woman wants to feel they are treasured, valued, like a princess, priceless and cared for by the man they love. They want a heavenly covering and that is what God calls men to be. Having chatted with many women, done some research, along with doing a brief non-scientific questionnaire, I came up with these suggestions. Please feel free to share your opinions and ideas.

Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails… 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

1. Get your life right with God. Rededicate your life if you must, it certainly can’t hurt.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21

 

“No woman wants to be in submission to a man who isn’t in submission to God!”  Rev. T.D. Jakes

2. Pray for and with your wife daily. Your wife wants YOU to be the spiritual head of the house. Practice up on the Fruits of the Spirit.

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” Sam Kee (business owner)

3. Court Your Woman! Send flowers, buy gifts - DATE HER! Yes, I am very serious :) Suggestion: For starters at least a dozen roses, then a week or so later, a huge bouquet of her favorite flowers or a lovely plant. Many women say they don’t care about flowers but trust me from my conversations they are usually the ones who have never received a huge bouquet of gorgeous flowers. Do it – just because. You don’t have to wait for a special occasion to send flowers. Trust me, she will love it! :)  Remember her birthday, holidays, especially Christmas. A CARD is NOT a gift, although it is sweet. On a small budget, skip the card and buy the flowers or gift or make her something amazing.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 3:19

4. Apologize – Have you been emotionally cruel? A bully? Bad tempered? Critical? Negligent? Also ask yourself how this affects your children if you are blessed to have one or more? Have you disrespected your wife in front of your children? Apologize! Also, apologize for not being the spiritual head of the household (a proper covering). Suggestion: Write your wife and kids a card apologizing for your behavior and promise to be a better father and husband. Godly humility reaps rewards.

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

5. Forgive, forgive, forgive and that includes forgiving yourself. Forgiveness opens up the portals of heaven for God to come in and begin the healing process. God can restore your marriage relationship but you need to take the first step!

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7

6. Do not bring up the past – ever in arguments! The past is just that – in the past. Leave it there. It’s buried, don’t dig it up. Forgive and move on.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,… Ephesians 5:25

 

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33

marriage-thoughts7. Provider – Women want to know they will be taken care of. Here’s a question for all men. How does your wife dress? If she’s dressing shabby then her self worth (esteem) isn’t what it should be. You need to make sure your woman is clothed properly. Many times women never shop for themselves… It’s always the kids need this or that first so make sure your wife is provided for. Take her shopping!

Also, what does your furniture look like? Does the faucet leak? Fix it! Don’t make your wife beg you to do things that you can easily do. Your woman should feel proud of her home. Encourage her (and help her if she requests it) to build the nest and make the home cozy. Compliment her on the little improvements she makes.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”  Ephesians 4:2-3

8. Renew your wedding vows or if you are already divorced and trying to win her back, ROMANTICALLY propose again. “Let’s tie the knot” is NOT a proposal. My husband and I renew our vows every five years. Some people do it annually. Do what works for you. If you are contemplating marriage make sure the proposal is romantic! Stretch yourself. You can do it! Suggestion: Surprise your woman and write your vows or a love letter <3

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin 

9. Have patience! Take responsibility for what has gone wrong in your relationship. Yes, it takes two but first you must take responsibility for your own actions. Some wounds go deep. She’ll need time to heal and if she sees changes in you, it can give her hope for a good and positive future.

10. Get counseling alone and together. It never hurts to talk over your problems with a professional, pastor or a couple your respect and look up to. No finger pointing. Remember, if you point one finger, four are pointing back at you. Compromise, compromise, compromise… And it never hurts to just give in on the small things (example: put the tolite seat down!). Also, if you are contemplating marriage, pre-marital counseling can be a real blessing.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31

11. Respect: Do you respect your mother or a best friend more than your wife? Is your mother controlling your marriage? Do you confide more in your friends than your wife? Parents, siblings and friends DO NOT BELONG in your marriage. Kick them out and BOND with your wife. Your woman deserves your utmost respect.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” Friedrich Nietzsche

12. Be her best friend. Be a person she can confide in and share the deepest secrets from her heart without embarrassment, criticism, ridicule or rebuke. LISTEN TO HER! It takes two people for true communication and happiness to occur. It’s hard to be happy when you are lonely. Happiness is only real when you share it with someone and who better to share it with, than your wife. 

“Marriage is a commitment- a decision to do, all through life, that which will express your love for one’s spouse.”  Hayyim Herman Kieval, author

13. Do you have an addiction? Alcohol? Pornography (includes adultery)? Work-a-holic? Drugs? Computer? Sports?…. DEAL WITH IT! Be an adult and deal with your addiction or problem. Seek help if needed! Ask yourself, what is more important to you, your wife or your addiction? Only you can answer that question. Just a heads up, 80 percent of U.S. divorce attorneys say social networking in divorce proceedings is on the rise: social media can be a problem in marriage. Don’t let it ruin yours. 

“Once we figured out that we could not change each other, we became free to celebrate ourselves as we are.” -H. Dean Rutherford (in a letter to his wife on their 59th wedding anniversary)

14. DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE HER. Accept and respect her for who she is. She will change throughout the years and so will you. Why do you want to change the person you fell in love with? To answer that question you might want to re-read #10. Enjoy this amazing woman you are married to. Get to know her better. Date her. Court her. Treasure this person who is a precious gift from God. Suggestion: read the Songs of Solomon :)

15. Undivided Attention: Listen to her! At least once a day listen to her. My husband942130_541225252602420_1321253930_n and I started a habit of listening to each other early in our marriage using a timer. When he came home he got 30 minutes to relax and clean up. I was usually making supper and taking care of our four children. At the end of the 30 minutes we took turns listening to each share about our day for at least 10 minutes each. No questions, no interruptions… just listening. When we were both done we could then ask questions or make comments. Men often think they have to solve their wife’s problems when all she wants is for you to listen to her. Give it a try.

And beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Colossians 3:14

 I asked women on Twitter and Facebook: Name two attributes that you desire in a husband or love about your husband. *Stars are the number of times an attribute was mentioned by the women. 

kind (compassionate, caring)***** **
intelligent (smart, clever)***
happy disposition (content, easy going)***** *
energetic (active lifestyle, plays sports)***
respectful***** *
ambitious (good provider)*****
humor (sense of humor, funny, witty)***** *
common sense****
loving (heart, affectionate) ***** ****
loyal (trustworthy, faithful, honest)***** ***
understanding (listens)***** *
helpful****
appreciative (encourager, cheerleader)***** *
good relationship with his parents and/or family*****

Godly (strong faith, Godly values, good morals/values, prays)***** ****

I thought it was interesting that being rich and handsome were never mentioned by any of the women. What that tells me is that the women who responded have probably thought about questions like this before and understand that looks and money aren’t attributes that lend to a happy, successful relationship.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,… Ephesians 5:25-29

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church and you will be one happy man :) Men, please leave your comments and opinions. This is only meant to be helpful, not critical. Women, feel free to share what you love and appreciate about your husband, fiance or boyfriend or leave your ideas of what you would like to see in a spouse and marriage.

Have a wonderful day!

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Sunday Praise: In The Presence of Angels (Holy, Holy)

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Shavuot or Pentecost in the Old Testament, was celebrated as the Feast of Weeks or Day of the First Fruits. Seven weeks after Passover (Easter), this celebration marks the giving of the Law to Moses on Mt. Sinai. As Christians we celebrate Pentecost as Holy Spirit coming down upon the disciples gathered in the Upper Room in Jerusalem, empowering them to spread the Gospel, first in the Holy City and then around the world.

While Jesus was eating with them, he gave them this command: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.” Acts 1:4-5

I choose this song today because it is such a powerful anointed song - In The Presence of Angels by Roy Fields carries the fire of Holy Spirit in it’s melody and lyrics. In an interview with Sid Roth, Fields explains how he heard the angels singing La da da,… which is extremely similar to what Eddie James also heard and shared in his song I Need You. We are told often in scripture how the angels cry or sing out holy, holy, holy and call on Abba, Father.

And the four beasts had each of them six wings about him; and they were full of eyes within: and they rest not day and night, saying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come. Revelations 4:8

This is a realm of Your glory
This is a realm of Your grace
I can feel Your mighty power
It is moving in this place

We’re in the presence of angels
With God’s glory on their wings
Like the voice of many waters
I can hear the angels sing

Holy, holy, holy, holy
Worthy, worthy, worthy, worthy
Glory, glory, glory, glory

This is a realm of Your glory
This is a realm of Your grace
All my heart’s desire is to see Your face

Have a wonderful God-filled day :)


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The Glory Source

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Life upon this earth is so short. We are supernatural beings living for a limited time in a natural world. As time flies by I realize there is so much I want to do while on this earth but I’m limited in what I can do by money, my age, where I live, etc. That is why I have come to depend upon The Glory Source. God’s Glory can do all those things I want to do and more. I pray, I worship and I love Him and then I just let his Glory fall upon me. I send out my angels to do those things I can’t. God equips us in ways we can’t even imagine and we must rely upon him. God also at times creates glory encounters with people, many times unexpectedly. Holy Spirit loves to surprise me :)

Blessed be his glorious name forever; may the whole earth be filled with His glory! Amen and Amen! Psalms 72:19

 

Grand angel enjoying on of God's adorable creatures

Grand angel enjoying one of God’s adorable zoo creatures

On Mother’s Day we went to the Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha. It is the number one zoo in the entire world and it is huge. I am completely fascinated by God’s creatures, by everything He has created. I live in a state of childlike amazement.

I was watching the jellyfish and I wondered about this strange but beautiful and fascinating creature and I thought, these creatures are here for my enjoyment, just for me to gaze upon at this very moment in time. While I was pondering their beauty and taking photos my granddaughter looked up at me and asked, “Are there mermaids in Heaven?”

I answered a simple yes, because if God can create a jellyfish for me to enjoy upon this tiny earth how much more does he have for us in His Heaven? It is beyond comprehension. Then she asked, “Can I swim with them?” I answered, “I don’t know why not.” Then I thought, and I can swim with the jellyfish without fear of being stung! When I looked at my granddaughter I saw a smile of pure joy. I just held her tiny hand and smiled. Joy. Glory.

But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him” I Corinthians 2:9

How awesome is that. I felt God’s Love and Glory surround our time in the zoo. On the way home my husband alternated being radio stations, listening to the Christian stations and some golden oldies. While I enjoy the oldies my heart always leaps for joy when I hear a song of praise, another Glory Source for all.

The Glory Source: God opens up His Heaven’s and the glory of His Kingdom falls to the earth. <——tweet this!

God’s Glory is all around us, in the breeze, swaying with the trees, in the song of a Chickadee, in the coo of my doves, in a warm hug… His Glory surrounds me, surrounds my being because He loves me.

And He loves You.

Lord I ask for and receive with thanks, Your grace, Your glory, Your wisdom, sufficient for this day.  Amen.

 

Have a wonderful day :)

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Sunday Praise: A Song for Mothers

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A Song for Mothers “Guardian Angel” by Leah West

This is a song that is new to me, but I thought it was simply beautiful and perfect for Mother’s Day. I have two wonderful Mothers, my Mom, Ann and my Mom-in-law Dorothy. Both have taught me so much.

My Mom is a giver. it’s her love language. She’s a good woman with five children who love her. She works hard as a hospital chaplain, a job she enjoys but also can be difficult. She loves opera, dancing and messing around her in beautiful yard. She loves her family and they love her. Her biggest joy is having her children visit.

My Mother-in-law is the matriarch of a huge family. She has four children, 18 grandchildren and over 25 great-grand children who all love and adore her. When she was a little younger she and my Dad-in-law loved square dancing and had the most amazing family Christmas celebrations ever. She loves to read and visit with family.

I’d like to thank my Mom and Mother-in-law for their unconditional love and support. This song is for you! Enjoy and have a wonderful day :)

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