Men, this post is for you!

There are many sites for women that tell them what they need to do to be a good wife and offer ideas on how to save their marriage but very few for husbands. I’ve talked to a lot of women or perspective brides about what they would like to see in their marriages, what they expect from a husband, and I’d say most all of it is very Biblically based.

Many marriages today are hurting and have become stale. Often times the husband or wife are simply unhappy and don’t know what to do to get that spark back. Well, I am here to tell you that it takes work, but that work can actually be fun and very rewarding.

I hear guys ask, “what does a woman want?” My husband and boys have even asked me that question over the years. There is even a movie title with that same question! Well, here are a few thoughts and ideas that might help you. But, before I begin my list of suggestions I want to share what most women have told me – a woman wants to feel they are treasured, valued, like a princess, priceless and cared for by the man they love. They want a heavenly covering and that is what God calls men to be. Having chatted with many women, done some research, along with doing a brief non-scientific questionnaire, I came up with these suggestions. Please feel free to share your opinions and ideas.

Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails… 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

1. Get your life right with God. Rededicate your life if you must, it certainly can’t hurt.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21

 

“No woman wants to be in submission to a man who isn’t in submission to God!”  Rev. T.D. Jakes

2. Pray for and with your wife daily. Your wife wants YOU to be the spiritual head of the house. Practice up on the Fruits of the Spirit.

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” Sam Kee (business owner)

3. Court Your Woman! Send flowers, buy gifts - DATE HER! Yes, I am very serious Suggestion: For starters at least a dozen roses, then a week or so later, a huge bouquet of her favorite flowers or a lovely plant. Many women say they don’t care about flowers but trust me from my conversations they are usually the ones who have never received a huge bouquet of gorgeous flowers. Do it – just because. You don’t have to wait for a special occasion to send flowers. Trust me, she will love it!  Remember her birthday, holidays, especially Christmas. A CARD is NOT a gift, although it is sweet. On a small budget, skip the card and buy the flowers or gift or make her something amazing.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 3:19

4. Apologize – Have you been emotionally cruel? A bully? Bad tempered? Critical? Negligent? Also ask yourself how this affects your children if you are blessed to have one or more? Have you disrespected your wife in front of your children? Apologize! Also, apologize for not being the spiritual head of the household (a proper covering). Suggestion: Write your wife and kids a card apologizing for your behavior and promise to be a better father and husband. Godly humility reaps rewards.

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

5. Forgive, forgive, forgive and that includes forgiving yourself. Forgiveness opens up the portals of heaven for God to come in and begin the healing process. God can restore your marriage relationship but you need to take the first step!

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7

6. Do not bring up the past – ever in arguments! The past is just that – in the past. Leave it there. It’s buried, don’t dig it up. Forgive and move on.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,… Ephesians 5:25

 

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33

7. Provider – Women want to know they will be taken care of. Here’s a question for all men. How does your wife dress? If she’s dressing shabby then her self worth (esteem) isn’t what it should be. You need to make sure your woman is clothed properly. Many times women never shop for themselves… It’s always the kids need this or that first so make sure your wife is provided for. Take her shopping!

Also, what does your furniture look like? Does the faucet leak? Fix it! Don’t make your wife beg you to do things that you can easily do. Your woman should feel proud of her home. Encourage her (and help her if she requests it) to build the nest and make the home cozy. Compliment her on the little improvements she makes.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”  Ephesians 4:2-3

8. Renew your wedding vows or if you are already divorced and trying to win her back, ROMANTICALLY propose again. “Let’s tie the knot” is NOT a proposal. My husband and I renew our vows every five years. Some people do it annually. Do what works for you. If you are contemplating marriage make sure the proposal is romantic! Stretch yourself. You can do it! Suggestion: Surprise your woman and write your vows or a love letter <3

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin 

9. Have patience! Take responsibility for what has gone wrong in your relationship. Yes, it takes two but first you must take responsibility for your own actions. Some wounds go deep. She’ll need time to heal and if she sees changes in you, it can give her hope for a good and positive future.

10. Get counseling alone and together. It never hurts to talk over your problems with a professional, pastor or a couple your respect and look up to. No finger pointing. Remember, if you point one finger, four are pointing back at you. Compromise, compromise, compromise… And it never hurts to just give in on the small things (example: put the tolite seat down!). Also, if you are contemplating marriage, pre-marital counseling can be a real blessing.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31

11. Respect: Do you respect your mother or a best friend more than your wife? Is your mother controlling your marriage? Do you confide more in your friends than your wife? Parents, siblings and friends DO NOT BELONG in your marriage. Kick them out and BOND with your wife. Your woman deserves your utmost respect.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” Friedrich Nietzsche

12. Be her best friend. Be a person she can confide in and share the deepest secrets from her heart without embarrassment, criticism, ridicule or rebuke. LISTEN TO HER! It takes two people for true communication and happiness to occur. It’s hard to be happy when you are lonely. Happiness is only real when you share it with someone and who better to share it with, than your wife. 

“Marriage is a commitment- a decision to do, all through life, that which will express your love for one’s spouse.”  Hayyim Herman Kieval, author

13. Do you have an addiction? Alcohol? Pornography (includes adultery)? Work-a-holic? Drugs? Computer? Sports?…. DEAL WITH IT! Be an adult and deal with your addiction or problem. Seek help if needed! Ask yourself, what is more important to you, your wife or your addiction? Only you can answer that question. Just a heads up, 80 percent of U.S. divorce attorneys say social networking in divorce proceedings is on the rise: social media can be a problem in marriage. Don’t let it ruin yours. 

“Once we figured out that we could not change each other, we became free to celebrate ourselves as we are.” -H. Dean Rutherford (in a letter to his wife on their 59th wedding anniversary)

14. DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE HER. Accept and respect her for who she is. She will change throughout the years and so will you. Why do you want to change the person you fell in love with? To answer that question you might want to re-read #10. Enjoy this amazing woman you are married to. Get to know her better. Date her. Court her. Treasure this person who is a precious gift from God. Suggestion: read the Songs of Solomon

15. Undivided Attention: Listen to her! At least once a day listen to her. My husband and I started a habit of listening to each other early in our marriage using a timer. When he came home he got 30 minutes to relax and clean up. I was usually making supper and taking care of our four children. At the end of the 30 minutes we took turns listening to each share about our day for at least 10 minutes each. No questions, no interruptions… just listening. When we were both done we could then ask questions or make comments. Men often think they have to solve their wife’s problems when all she wants is for you to listen to her. Give it a try.

And beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Colossians 3:14

 I asked women on Twitter and Facebook: Name two attributes that you desire in a husband or love about your husband. *Stars are the number of times an attribute was mentioned by the women.